A Selection of True Awakening Experiences Part II: Tanja’s Awakening

Hello everyone, I am a little late with my blog post. I am sorry about the little delay. I started a new adventure with a driving service and I am out most of the day. However I did not forget about Barbara’s challenge, A Selection of True Awakening Experiences ~ Part II.

I am very grateful for the opportunity to share my experiences of the Awakening with other people who go through it in one way or another!

————

My Awakening story:

Everybody who has experienced any kind of spiritual awakening or wake up-call knows that we go through a lot in life to get where we are at right now in this specific moment! I too have a story how it came to my Awakening and all the experiences I’ve had since it happened in August 2014!

Infinity time spiral 15267876
But let’s go to the beginning of time! When I was a young girl, I always knew back then that something about me was different. I could never put my finger on it, but I just knew something was there the whole time. I called it later my guardian angel. As a young girl I started my life with some heavy problems. My father was since I can remember an alcoholic, my mother was/is very intense and clinging since I am her only child. She also got quickly angry at me for the slightest problems or mistakes!

In Kindergarten I started out with making one arch enemy of a boy who was placed with me in the same class! He started bullying me and saying mean things that hurt me very deeply. As I always felt I should never be mean towards other people, I tried to help others, gave them my kindergarten equipment and yet there was always this one boy who hurt me and not only emotionally. Another boy who was his (Norman’s) friend started bullying me as well and it went so far that he pushed me against a drawing stand. That was the first time I received a mark on my forehead, one that I should carry my whole life! I was bleeding from the top right corner of my eyebrow and it was the first time my guardian angel protected me from more to happen!

It was also throughout Kindergarten time that I somehow just suddenly found out that certain parts of my body created enormous amounts of pleasure. And it was just Kindergarten! How can a tiny little girl possibly feel these adulthood pleasures? Was that even possible? Apparently it was. It became almost and obsession to create that feeling and someday my mother caught me, of course she knew what that was that I was doing, and so she got mad at me for something I should not play with yet. I have no memory whatsoever how I found out about it with such a young age!

My life continued throughout all schools like this, and mysteriously the same boy who was hurting me so much was always, without a mistake, placed in the same classes and schools. As if the universe made sure that I experience these things that I cried about for evening after evening. As a child I was terribly afraid of death and at the same time wished for it, but it never happened. No accident I ever had created problems. I was always mysteriously protected! Of course I kept on getting scars that stayed with me forever. Norman was the second reason for the second mark left on my forehead. He pushed me against a shelf and I hit my head on the left temple! Again it could have ended worse!

I was at fault for the third mark on my forehead which is on the exact center, but higher than the Third eye!

However throughout my childhood I had experiences of spiritual nature. I would have extremely realistic dreams of being able to fly, doing Telekinesis etc. All these things that many of us know to be spiritual abilities! All of these dreams where extremely real and I always felt the next morning as if I really could fly!
One evening, I remember waking up in a shock as I felt that my whole body fell on the mattress of my bed. In fact I felt that my body hit the bed! As if I fell from the sky and inside my bed! That jerked me up for good!

monter_closet

There is a period of my life which I do not remember anything about! The only thing I remember is, that I was suddenly afraid of something in my closet! My mother once told me that I came downstairs crying for my father, to come upstairs and check my closet. I asked my mother what I was afraid of and she said “You said you saw a monster!” How come I can never remember what I actually was afraid of? It’s like erased from my mind!

Then there came the first time of spiritual darkness and I believe it to be my first dark night of the soul! I saw on TV a picture of a deformed two headed calf and after that nothing was the same anymore! Night for night after lying in bed and closing my eyes, I felt something tormenting my chest, I felt as if I could not breath anymore and I developed a weird swallowing problem, sometimes I could not swallow at all! Which created more panic! This continued daily, every night I was afraid of going to bed as it would happen without mistake! In these moments I needed to walk through the room and open the windows as I was sure I could not breath! Till today I am not really sure what this was that I experienced!

Then someday it just stopped! It never happened again! Back and forth I was interested in studying everything about Telekinesis and for the first time I got interested in the Out of Body phenomenon. I had finally internet and was about 15 years old. I tried to do what I read online but I never was successful. What I also should mention is that I had tons of Déjà Vu experiences in my childhood! There were many moments when I felt I could just finish a sentence someone was about to say, inside my head! Just my mouth was not fast enough!

2630725-edge-of-the-forest-wilth-yellow-dead-maple-leaves

Then there was this magical moment in my life when I lost the golden earring from my mother which she gave me as a present from her great grandmother. It happened while riding my bicycle through a forest. My ear got stuck on a branch and the earring got pulled out. there  was just no way of finding it between literally millions of yellow, orange and red leafs! So my two friends and I were looking all over the place and gave up. We rode back home and as expected my mother got mad at me and screamed I NEED TO GET THAT EARRING BACK! No way, so we rode back to that forest and it was just coincidence that we found the same spot again. I was near breakdown and my only hope was a white plastic bag which was lying on the floor. I took it, looked at it and said with intend “I can do whatever I want!” And I threw it into the air. All three of us were looking into the air and followed the white bag! As it landed on the ground I carefully approached it and picked it up. It was then that my believe in god or angels was strengthened. The earring, which was impossible to find was lying directly underneath one of the 4 edges of this plastic bag! WOW! Manifestation at it’s best!

As the years kept on going I was embarrassed to like myself, as I did not develop as fast as other girls did! When they started showing breast I still was flat like a wooden board. Which made it impossible for me to stand in front of other girls underneath the showers and I usually skipped or went under when they were already gone. On top of that I had Norman and other boys who were bullying me for the way I looked. Thin, tall, no breast, very thin face. but a head full of extreme thick locks! While all other girls had straight hair!

This all combines the march towards the Awakening. When I was 27 years old I met my now husband online. He happened to be a movie composer and I was watching coincidentally one of his movies and I fell in love with his music. At that time I took piano lessons in Germany and I needed to have the music to study it. So I wrote him an e-mail and somehow against all odds we connected! And this created months later our marriage! And my dream of living in the USA got fulfilled as well!

However this could be a happy ending to all the torment right? well guess what, it wasn’t that was only the beginning… Very quickly I realized that my husband has a shadow aspect to him which brings in tremendous arguments, fights and problems out of thin air. He gets mad at me for no apparent reason and then starts fights which always end in his advantage, as he is an amazing communicator and a lot older than me! He definitely knows how to attack with single words! Life here has been a blessing in disguise!

one man hearing voices

In the meantime my father snapped and from one day to the next he suddenly started hearing voices and talked to beings my mother could not see. They told him my mother was hiding mics in the house! My mother told me that he was once standing outside at the house door talking to a person that only he could see! My mother got afraid and called the police, who took him to the psychiatrists… Very big mistake… He got drugged and in the meantime my mother divorced from him… After 6 weeks he got released and needed to move into his own apartment. I could kick my ass for the last sentence I said to my father when he called me from Germany one day… He was obviously drunk and throughout his talking he stopped all the time and it became quiet! I asked him what he is doing. and his answer was that he gt telepathically messages from my mother, she still is thinking about him… I had enough of this and not knowing anything, I told him “Are you hearing voices again?” and I hang up…
A couple of weeks later I sent him a letter to Germany asking how he is feeling etc. But never received answer… No idea if he still read the letter! Then in July 2012 I got the message from my mother that my father was found dead lying in his bathroom… I was shocked but at the same moment could not cry, it was like my tears were blocked to come out! It was just too unreal to me that my father with just 51 was dead!

It took all this time till beginning of August 2014, when I finally realized what happened and that I will never see him again nor say anything else to him… I broke a part and one evening I started crying, crying about everything. Letting everything out which was bombarding me emotionally my whole life. It was a release to say the least!  I cried until no more tear could flow without painful eyes… In this emotional release I asked god begging what happened to my father! Give me a sign!

kundalini

And guess what the prayer was heard and 2 weeks later I experienced the first Ascension related symptoms! Sudden hot sweat, but at the same time freezing from the outside. Then 2 nights in a row  I experienced sudden full body vibrations! They started at the forehead and continued over the whole body. I kept quiet and did not suspect anything wrong! I then started getting red rashes around my spine, on the height of the lower chakras. Sudden itch at the lower spine! and then one afternoon, the sun was shining through the window of our living room and I suddenly felt the urge to just let go, lying down on the floor, head towards the balcony, and closing my eyes, just breathing.

It was then that I suddenly got hit with an intense bright light flash in the center of my head, which I perceived as behind closed eyes! At the same time I felt intense arousing feelings in my root chakra and it was so intense that it was really close! And then one day later as I was sitting working at computer I suddenly felt a strong density and tension pulsing in my tailbone and the first rising of the Kundalini happened! I felt dense energy going upwards on my back, pushing and pressing against my ribs and shoulder blades!

From that day on everything changed! I started seeing visions of mandalas, purple light inside my head, buzzing and humming vibrations all over my body. I saw crystal clear faces of persons and ET beings projected in front of my third eye! And also the famous high pitched frequency sound started appearing for me and since then becomes clearer and clearer every single time I go through major energy shifts!

The Kundalini energy rose 4-5 times and every single time the constant inner buzzing stays longer on without turning off. I suppose once my body is prepared enough to house this much light it won’t ever turn off again!

This is my current status into the Awakening process and I am looking forward to many more experiences and potentials which always come up after a major energy influx!

Awful experiences ahead…

Well it seems that the new year so far has nothing good to offer. And I can assure you that I was the one who was boasting about how amazing year 2016 will be that it will bring a huge BOOM career and life wise. But so far it’s already the 7th of January. My husband has his first home concert after a long time of silence on Sunday and I would be ready to drive with UBER for my new adventure. I was writing about it on Facebook before. But it seems my husbands curse projected over to me… I was ready to go, I got everything done that I really wanted for myself. I got the drivers license (finally), I managed to get an Uber activation with a license that is not yet 1 year old, which in itself is already a miracle. But now everything is once again on hold, it’s an always repeating pattern here in this household… As soon as it is something that somehow involves my husband, everything seems to fall apart…

I cannot break it, with all my power and always being able to handle everything, I cannot get over this damn brick wall… And it seems to be created by my husband. I needed a new cellphone with a data service for Uber. So my husband told me he would buy himself a new one and get a second line for me, and I could get his old Samsung Galaxy S4. Which is plenty for this job. But now the phone does not arrive, T-Mobile was confused yesterday that there was no order number in the system etc. So they promised my husband to send it out and it will arrive on Friday… Then we had this terrible storm and heavy rains here in L.A. and we just repaired my husbands downstairs studio a year ago, it was sealed and not usable for a long time because of mold and water damage… But then he decided to repair it finally… Outside we also apparently repaired.
But now we were shocked as we went downstairs, and found that there was water once again dripping down inside the repaired room from the ceiling. That means there STILL after all this work and expenses is a leak outside someplace. My husband wanted to buy himself a newer car and I would then be able to have my own car, as I love the Prius and would love to have it. But if this continues like that I will not be able to drive everyday, as the repairs will need to come first again! I don’t get it… I did everything possible to project positive thoughts and yet all I get is stops and blocks on the way…

On a brighter note, I had a nice meditation last night. My older cellphone was empty and needed to charge so I just meditated lying on my back and focusing on the third eye and my heart center. However the third eye was extremely active last night. I could swear that I saw something in the dark when I turned the light off and lay down in my bed, as my gaze was straight forward I saw a colorful very subtle glow that looked like the shape of a person. Now I don’t know if this was someone, or if it was simply an extreme long after image from my Himalayan Salt Lamp. It could be that it was burned in my vision when I turned it off. However that doesn’t change anything about the fact that I had strong third eye pulls.

Also I heard a few very odd sounds from my left ear. It was like the clicking Morse code but not so clear and also not coming in threes, it was more like an underlying tone in between the slight humming that I perceive when it is total silence.

Energy wise I felt a lot, from shivers and energy rushes in the heart center, to a new vibration that repeated a few times last evening. Couple of month ago the Kundalini energy always was perceivable as an electric current buzzing inside my spine, if it is on I usually felt a buzzing on and off during the day in my left big toe! But this time this exact same buzzing on and off happened in my left leg on the outside of my knee! It was the exact same buzzing pattern. It seems it came up from the food and is now inside my leg! I read a very common Kundalini sensation is that of a buzzing current inside the legs, but most likely the left one!

Current manifestations of the Kundalini Energy

Well again it has been a while, but I really had nothing new to write about. The last night I had a very vivid dream, so vivid it could have been real. I dreamed of a family gathering, just that the family was not mine. I was complaining about the food choices and how I cannot eat anything sweet in this soup that was served. There where two options and I was on going talking of how I cannot eat something sweet in a soup like that… No idea what that means.

Upon awakening this morning I left my eyes closed and shortly enough I saw a vision come through. I saw a white square paper and something was being written on it, but as usual I tried to focus with my physical eyes and the vision went away… Do I ever learn? 😦 Doesn’t seem like it…

Coming to the current list of Kundalini related energy manifestations

  • Constant twitching of the left eye lid. This happened the first time August 2014 before the Kundalini activated the first time!
  • Twitching of weird places and areas, such as my chest, my ribs, my spine and even my buttocks
  • Lot of high pitched frequency shifts that get accompanied by a high rise in pitch on my left ear. I literally can hear a shift in vibration when this happens.
  • Tons of emotional outbursts, like on a roller coaster. Once happy, then depressed, then everything is too much and I even consider back and forth to keep or give away my pet bird. I also recently got hit with a huge regret feeling of being in this marriage. But this also shifts back and forth…
  • Weird body aches, like stinging pains in toes, arms, sometimes forehead.
  • Buzzing in spine or tailbone off and on
  • Sometimes a feeling of cool spots on my heart chakra! It then suddenly feels cold but fluttering
  • Falling asleep too easily, I do not even get to the point anymore where I would be aware of OOBE sensations, I just suddenly fall asleep and then wake up in the morning…
  • Clumsiness once again. I used to have a problem with breaking glass every time I touched it… But this time it’s not glass, this time I hurt myself on the oddest things, cuts everywhere from paper a huge crescent moon burn on my right lower arm from touching the baking sheet…
  • Strong shivers, chills or tingling surges along the spine, heart and head. Sometimes so strong that they almost feel intoxicating.

New sensations

Well I know I didn’t write a lot lately on this blog, the proof is in the inactive days on the left side where the calendar is placed. I didn’t write anything because lately I was in a down phase and everything was just crazy around here… Including my emotional state. Actually silly to think that one glass of wine would not break out havoc again… I guess some lessons need to repeat until they are learned.

Anyway last night I tried to meditate and work with my energy body again. This time I was surprised actually of how easy it was to feel the energy flow. There was a moment when I raised energy from the feet in a spiral around my leg that I actually felt energy shivers going up my left leg! It was intense! Also last night was another intense release of these shiver, chills or energy rushes. No idea how to really describe them. It just feels as if an electric wire is releasing a huge load of electricity in one are, such as my buttocks, such as my chest or spine and then it feels like millions of tiny sparkles spreading. It is the most beautiful sensation there is so far. I don’t know if this is bliss, but it surely comes very close to it!

After that I started raising energy into the root chakra to use it for stimulation of the chakras upwards from the root on. This time I felt almost all chakras. I found it is way easier for me to raise the energy up the back through the spine and then steer it into the front to the chakra. It’s easier to keep focus on the energy moving when I do it this way. As I reached my heart chakra I felt a very strong sensations. It felt like my chest was either in a wrench, or a heavy box was lying on the heart. It was a very strong feeling of pressure and slight buzzing. It is so strong that I cannot hold it for a long time without freaking out about the strong pull, push sensation! However I may need to get over this and keep going in order to open the heart chakra! As I reached my brow chakra I felt a pull as well, but then I got disturbed, because out of nowhere my husband started moving his legs all the time, he also tossed around a lot last night.

Since I could not concentrate anymore because of the mattress moving the whole time due to my husbands leg movements, I stopped my meditation and turned around to sleep. Again it was a very deep sleep, I had dreams, but I have nothing in my memory which I could now write about… Which is weird… What happened to the ability that I could remember long dreams very well?

Explosion of light!!!

Since it was Wednesday yesterday, I had my night for myself. Every week on Wednesdays I sleep alone to leave my husband some space during the week and a King sized bed all for himself. It was good for last night especially. I had an experience last night, which I cannot even put in words to describe correctly what I experienced!

I started the night as the last couple of days already with relaxing by lying on my back and placing awareness into my breathing. After a while I focused again on my feet and did the awareness exercises to stimulate the energy into a  flowing motion. It was a difference between night and day, from the night before, when I drank just 1 glass of wine! I felt strong energy and extreme strong shiver explosions on my spine, felt very electric in nature! Like tiny outbursts of electricity, tingling all over the place, sometimes so strong that I feel a little tensing before the electricity gets released. I did all exercises until I had a good feeling overall in my energy body. As I came to the Primary energy center stimulation I focused more time on my Base (Root) chakra, as that is where Kundalini gets released when the Root chakra strobes! After that I went through all chakras and had also a very good feeling of pulsing, slight pressure and buzzing on all of them!

After this I did the Full Body and Spinal Body bounce. Placing awareness in feet and then on top of head, then in feet etc. repeating it many times until the energy flow back and forth comes into awareness. During these exercises I also somehow focused on my Third Eye area, I was just aware that something was going on in that area. It was a subtle throbbing inside my forehead.

After I had done all my exercises I just lay still and relaxed in a meditation and tried to go into trance state.

A few minutes into it, I suddenly got aware that I was lying on my side and I have no idea how that happened. As I was certain that I was meditating lying on my back. That can only mean that I somehow jerked to the right side again. So I turned around on my back very slowly to not break the state I was in. As I was lying on my back and focusing on my Third Eye vision screen I got blinded 2-3 times by a major white light flash! It was so strong the first time that my head actually jerked itself to the right side. I moved it back to the center. After the third light strobe of the Third Eye I continued focusing on my Third Eye and did at the same time a spinal bounce awareness action. As suddenly out of nowhere and without a warning something shot into my Forehead. Here comes the moment I cannot describe. It was like literally something shot into my Third Eye, I felt a blasting pulse and it was so strong I actually though my forehead was going to explode! It pulsed really strong and like a spotted beam, it came with light flashes and my whole body jerked up because I had no idea what actually hit me, the moment the sensation became overwhelming my right ear started ringing very loud too! This was the most intense experience up to date! WOW

Another Realization – Your Experience can become anothers experience!

Last night I did my nightly meditation. This time I felt extreme strong energies around my head, I almost felt like my head was internally spinning slightly. While my head was steady leaned on a pillow… I saw once again purple light swirls, but nothing important really. No dream remembrance and no visions came through… It’s feeling dry lately.

This morning I suddenly had a realization. Why would I feel spiritually dry? Why no visions and why does my meditation not deepen, while I feel so much energy around and inside me? And then BINGO, the realization came right there.

I was a member of a Spiritual group on Facebook and I found myself throughout the day acknowledging the experiences and symptoms of other people and made it to my responsibility to help people and make them aware about certain factors in the world of energy. I found myself preaching to the choir because some of those people were only happy when people shared & acknowledged their problems and experiences, but if someone like me came around and told them why they may feel like it and what they can do to change it, I was being told I don’t know them and we are not on the same path. Totally ignoring that what I told them was to their best and was about helping them…

Well my energy was sucked dry and once again I have to acknowledge that as soon you are having an Awakening (Kundalini, or really any kind of Awakening) you are able to take on other peoples energies, so what others experience can become your experience if your read it over and over again. Some people just have no clue what it does to their own energy to be in groups of hundred, thousands of people, many never heard about Awakening before and yet they share their energetic signatures for others to pick up on.

If you are Awakening do NOT read about other people’s experiences (not if the person does not have some awareness of what is going on), as they will very fast become your experience as well. And here is the problem, It’s not so much that we do not walk the same path, it’s that we take on each others path when we read about others experiences. Kundalini has the humorous characteristic that she loves to give you what you read most about. That’s why it is so important to not engage in anything that YOU don’t want to experience yourself.

Ergo I left the group and hope that I can now balance my own energy back to normal again.

Night meditation – strong energy!

Wow I have no clue where I should actually start with this post! I am literally overwhelmed by how strong the energy is the last couple of days. I can only assume it has to do with the upcoming 11/11 gate portal!

When I went to bed I did the same routine as the last 2 days before already. I first lay comfortably on my back with my head a little bit lifted, using a pillow underneath. I left my eyes open and looked through the room in the darkness. Then I use I AM affirmations to overcome any lingering fear. And I have to say that this approach is amazing and helped me a lot! using I AM in front of positive sentences is very powerful and I could feel it!

After that I closed my eyes and concentrated first on my breath a few times, inhale-exhale. After that I shifted my focus back on the palm of my right hand and very soon I got aware of the electrical pulse buzzing in my palm. this focus on the hand is an amazing way to keep aware and focused for a very long time! It helped tremendously! I also realized that I am less effected by the random very loud cracks, bangs and ping sounds all around me in the room. Every single night when I meditate in the guest room my computer desk cracks like crazy, sometimes so loud I actually believe somebody just walked through it…

I felt strong energy surges and the energy was really intense last night. The whole meditation through I would feel the electrical buzzing surges and rushes along my back and spine and a lot of the rushes of electricity were coming from the base of my neck, right above the shoulder blades. While I had my eyes closed I sometimes saw white light streaks that suddenly came out of nowhere, once it actually felt as if it hit my upper right eyelashes when it came close. It was a weird feeling as if my eyelashes suddenly moved for a second. Or as if something fell down and touched the upper lashes.

the more I focused on the right hand the more I became aware of the intense buzzing and pulling in my third eye and I also felt a strong sensation of a weird inner rush and a hovering feeling from inside, yet I was not able to lift my Astral arms or anything like that. i tried to visualize a tunnel with streaks of white light that would fly past me, like a high speed movement through a tunnel. I felt energy rushes. I tried to visualize me sitting in a roller coaster going up and then tried to feel the free fall, but nothing of these would push me out of body… I was hoping because of the free fall sensation that my astral body would jump out of the physical body. But it did not work. Now it could be that I was just not ready yet and again used the wrong timing.

At some point I was so deep into this meditation that I must have fallen asleep, I really don’t remember, but I do remember that my body just suddenly jerked and catapulted itself to the right side and all I could think about was “Oh great… now it’s over I will not go back to back laying position and try all over...” So I stopped and fell asleep. Again without remembering any dreams whatsoever…

In the morning I was woken at 10 AM by my husband, my cellphone must have died in the night and the alarm did not ring at 8:30 AM… ouch. As I got out of bed I had a very weird sensation in my left leg, actually I had no feeling in my left leg whatsoever. It was suddenly feeling like it was not there, like I was walking on a rubber leg, it was like liquid rubber, every time I would step on my left foot, my leg would bend to the outside… This continued for a few minutes and then suddenly went back to normal… wow what a weird experience… It actually felt as if my leg was not there in these moments… Maybe my leg was still someplace else???