Intense energies and clearing dream

Last night I can honestly say the energies ramped up a notch or better saying a LOT! I felt it already bubbling up inside of my body while I was watching another movie. But it got even more intense as I was lying on my back for sleep. As usual I started my nightly “adventure” with a meditation and just feeling in order to sense new sensations. And I was not disappointed as it became very clear after just a few seconds of lying down that my energy body was being worked on almost immediately after lying down!

I felt strong surges of energy from both of my hip bones, it almost feels like a tiny electric discharge was taking place around the hip joints. I suppose these joints are buffers for extreme amounts of energy so whatever is too much gets discharged from the body and can be felt as sparkling, almost like goosebumps.

After these sensations I felt strong vibrations almost like a cellphone was vibrating in the entire area of my stomach! It was literally feeling as if thousand of tiny little vibrating particles were jumping around in my stomach! And I knew it was a Solar Plexus chakra clearing! After that I felt strong sensations in my chest and I tried to the best of my ability to stay in the heart instead of going up again into the mind and ask questions. I just wanted to observe and feel! However as I drifted closed off to sleep I suddenly got aware again because I felt sudden stings, almost like insect bites in my genital area… It was so weird, can you imagine you are lying in meditation and want to relax as suddenly something feels like it bites you in the most sensitive area of your body? LOL

Anyway after that I just rolled to the side and tried to sleep, which interestingly enough worked quite fast actually!

DREAM: kidnapping, sexual ritual, follow the squirrel into a black hole!

The dream was more than surreal, however it felt very REAL! This is the worst thing about these dreams, they are so unreal but they definitely feel real… OMG this sounds so strange. The dream began actually while I was in some kind of facility or some kind of weird building. I did not see the outside, but I know that there were many people chained up to chairs, that looked like recliners! Just in black leather. I was sitting on the very left outside chair, while on my right there were more women chained up to the chairs. I however was not chained! Still I was sitting there!

The dream shifted many times to a disturbing scene! I am not sure how this happened, but it always shifted to a dark area where a woman was chained to the ground and a man,huge, intense muscles, brown long hair, almost barbaric in looks, kneed over her and raped her! It’s not only that he raped her, I was forced to watch up close how his gigantic ehm… willy entered her… I was disturbed and did not know what was going on, however apparently I was not allowed to wake up from this. This exact scene repeated itself a few times.

Then the dream shifted again and I was sitting once again on the chair, as I hear someone say that the women there are going through a ritual, they are having sexual intercourse to bear the babies for someone. I am not sure who it was though. As I heard this I suddenly got panic flooding my being and I knew I needed to get out of there. It was then that a weird machine who stood on some kind of metallic tripod and had a laser eye turned around and wanted to shoot a laser beam on my wrists, I suppose it was the device that chained the women to the chairs. I countered the attack and grabbed the long, thin neck of this machine and trashed it with my feet and I ran away…

The dream suddenly shifts and I am walking with my husband I suppose? Even though I never saw him, it could have been someone else? As I saw a squirrel run away and into a big black hole. I followed it and the other person followed me. As we reached the black hole I saw that the animal covered it was dirt and a weird golden stone! So I removed the dirt and the stone and could look deep down the “rabbit hole???” I guess the squirrel is my version of ALICE IN WONDERLAND’S bunny!¬† HA HA HA Did you read that Karin??? The squirrel seems to be for me what is for your the bunny! So we jumped down the hole and found ourselves in a dark underground kind of setting. The man was walking in front of me refusing to turn on the light, as we walked through this area. I was almost running as I got overwhelmed by the darkness down there…

As we reached the end of it I suddenly entered a weird looking house. I moved through the rooms and as I reached the balcony I suddenly realize that it was the same setting as in the beginning but this time nobody as there anymore and it all looked lost and lonely! That moment as I looked over the lawn I must have been woken by my husband getting up in the morning.

Funny though I remember a very vivid flying dream from my childhood! I was flying and visiting a man with blonde hair and blue eyes on a house with a huge balcony in the middle of the night! We were in love apparently and kissing each other. This was one of my first remembered childhood dreams that involved flying in order to reach a place that I could never have entered before. I don’t know how it is connected to my dream just now, but that the memory just came back is definitely worth mentioning!

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Emotional Outburst…

Last evening I was studying some more for my Recorder Instrument as my husband who prepared to leave for a short travel until Wednesday asked me if I remembered to call a friend who invited us for Thanksgiving to ask what we could bring. The only thing that came out of my mouth as I suddenly remembered was “Oh shit…” And this alone was reason enough for my husband to make me small again… He was mad that I always forget things, that I do not do anything on my own, that everything is on him, and that I do not participate in life… Oh well… He accused me of not participating in this group unit… I was so fed up by all his accuses that I actually wanted to scream at him

(Look into the mirror, do you participate in this unit, or are you only fucking interested in money and work?)

Thanks god I did not say it, instead I decided to swallow it down… I am used to all these accuses, on top of that he dropped the EX bomb again… “As crazy as that other woman was, she always jumped right away to create events for me… You just sit here and do your own thing all day long…” Again I felt like screaming back at him

(Oh really? All day long I do MY shit??? All day long I am busy cleaning your shit away, putting your clothes back in the closet, because you spread them everywhere in the house, everyday I am busy closing doors behind you, because if I would not all the closets, drawers would ALWAYS stay open… All day long I need to do shit for you! Where the fuck do I have time to do stuff for myself?!)

But again I did not say it, I only thought it…

As I went to bed I felt that this night will be the longest night ever, I felt I could not fall asleep. I was wide awake… So I decided to meditate. I held my thumbs and pointer fingers together and closed my eyes. Right away I felt strong buzzing in the palm of my hands and also in my lower back. So I decided to go through my chakras and feel the different sensations. As I reached my heart chakra I was asking my guides for a healing and opening of my heart chakra. But nothing happened.

After¬† a while of lying on my back, I realized that nothing at all was happening. No hypnogogic imagery, no sounds, no lights behind closed eyes… Nothing… Again I felt literally sucked empty. A very odd feeling of being exhausted energetically… Again I asked for healing in my sleep.

Then I turned around on my right side and tried to sleep, but I could not fall asleep. But suddenly something happened, I started seeing scenes of my past that had to do with my second Ex boyfriend. He was at that time 38 years old. I met him in a working place in Germany and as planned the boss placed me on shifts with this man (Ralf) every day, I had to drive with him. It was clear very quickly that we fell in love with each other. He was like me. At that time he loved to play computer games, was funny and exciting! In these images I saw all the good times that we had, how he came with his car to pick me up for a Christmas dinner and was dressed full in a suit. He opened the doors for me and was caring for me… I started to weep and suddenly had a realization that I could not see at that time. He probbaly was the person I was always looking for. But I just did not see it and broke up with him. Because of different reasons. His ex wife was still on his lines and they had a daughter together who visited him all the time and the ex influenced the kid to talk bad about me and he was always stressed because of her… I just could not take this kind of situation at the time… But remembering it now makes me feel like a fool… I started sobbing and wanted to cry, but no tears would come out and if then only very pressured. My head felt like it would explode, while my eyes were fighting to get at least one tear out…

He was the complete opposite of my husband. Caring, loving, funny, a true gentleman… While my husband had all these traits in the beginning he just dropped them after some time… Now I need to wait for him to open the passenger door of the car, after he already got in. Instead of pressing the key button twice to open both doors at the same time… Ironically enough every time we are with other men, he does all this, opening the door for me etc. Which shows me that he is wearing masks especially when in public.