Your contact has finally come to my attention!

From the very beginning of my Awakening I was aware of the most beautiful sensations all over my body. It was almost from one day to the other that I got opened to the world of clairsentience. This opening was used as form of communication. I never realized it and I never saw it as such, as I placed all my experiences and sensations as well as other phenomena in the name of Kundalini. From august 2014 till now I had a lot of time acclimating to the changes that happened for me more and more each day. until to the moment when I started feeling weird sensations that I thought were Kundalini related, but still the true answer remained side open…

A chain reaction of events over the last couple of days up to a huge realization about spirit Awakening and soul merging with spirit, I finally was lead to watch a movie again that I used to love when I was a child! The movie is called “City of Angels”. It completely opened my eyes to what really was going on! the sight of invisible angels comforting people in fear and hatred, the magic touch that changes peoples actions or calms them when they are down… All these produced major inner chills, so strong that they went from heart chakra to the top of the head last evening while watching the movie.

Then I suddenly came to a big conclusion… i was never alone, since my Awakening I had contact with angelic beings or maybe my spirit guides, without even knowing it.

I described in the past all the sensations of Kundalini, but there are certain sensations that had nothing to do with the energy itself. these feelings were quite different. While meditating or watching a movie I would suddenly feel a very pointed electric touch sensation on my temple, on a leg or arms, which would spread like inner chills. It was always combined with a spotted rising of the body hair in that area. I also felt my hair being played with, as well as whirlwind energies that would slowly play in a specific area. I have been touched by angels or spirit all along, without ever recognizing it.

I remember one evening while I was meditating, thinking about my father and I asked spirit to give me a sign that he is okay and happy wherever he may be now. And out of a sudden I would feel an electric touch on my left arm that created inner chills in that area. this was the answer.

I was so obsessed with Kundalini sensations that I could not discern anymore if something was of the Kundalini or something else. Now I know what it feels like when spirit is close and nearby. And it feels indeed comforting and loving.

I have to say my gratitude to the lovely beings who are there to comfort me in sad times and I also want to be thankful for the guidance to watch this beautiful movie. Let’s me think, can angels fall in love with a human?

Huge Realization and an acknowledgement to Dayna

Yesterday I had quite a day. It not only brought a huge realization but also a new friend who opened my eyes to a broader truth of my very being. Days in and days out I wasn’t sure, I was looking and looking but what I was being told and what I started to believe in were two different things. Eventually it became so obscure that tons of wrong information entered me and left me standing with confusion (such as the stupid term called Chakra Removal). I have held strong contact to my dearest friends and one of them is Sibernetic Contriver, who is a long time friend on my Facebook profile. We had interesting subjects to talk about and most definitely have the same experiences, almost to a 100% fit of sensations, phenomena etc.

it was through her that I got to know Richard Cho, a wonderful human being with such a bright light. It’s unbelievable how much light and truth this being has to share. It was through him that I finally understood that there is so much fear mongering on the net and also manipulators who try to use terms to create something that could be seen as an outside force to many. Long time humanity was in the believe that Kundalini is an outside force that once awakened becomes the vehicle to higher consciousness… The truth of the matter however is, that the Kundalini is NOT an outside force. It is our spirit! It is the spirit within who leads and guides us. She is not an outside force that pushes her own agenda on you or me. Kundalini is an Awakening of the spirit within. As Richard taught me yesterday it is and has always been there! You just were not conscious enough to feel it as you do now.

The story of the universe. Spirit suddenly woke up and was alone, so spirit created souls in it’s image, souls who could take on physical forms of all sorts and through these forms it was able to grow. As we are ascending with an awakening spirit within, so was spirit once awakening and evolving. You see it everyday. millions of galaxies and different universes are being created. It’s all done by the spirit, our higher self! Kundalini is THE spirit. It is our spirit, it is our higher self! Over millennia people taught that Kundalini needs to be awakened in order to ascend and gain higher consciousness, but I know now that this is not true. Spirit is always there, it is our job to do the work to be able to connect to the spirit again and then we are able to feel it in ourselves as vibrations rising. Our Soul is electromagnetic in nature and this is what our body feels, when soul and spirit begin again to merge. though we still have an ego which of course helps to form a duality between spirit and our soul. and so we look for outside forces, such as gurus, teachers to teach us how to obey or how to do this or that. All we ever had to do was look inside and connect with the spirit within. That is all there really is. Our minds are conditioned to believe what we read. And so everything that you ever read about the Kundalini will be experienced at one or another point in your life. That’s the placebo effect. You read something and take on the energy of another human being and relive exactly what they do. It happened many, many times to me and I thought I was progressing, but in fact I was just taking on symptoms, sensations of other peoples experiences. ergo = when someone hears something many times, he tends to believe in it and create out of that their own reality. That’s why it is so important to not follow others in their experiences, but rather search for the own souls experience. Otherwise you cannot ever be sure if that is you progressing, or just ego recreating effects of other peoples energy imprints…

So my huge realization came to the right time. When Richard told me how to connect to the spirit within through asking questions and setting intentions throughout meditation I can connect more and more to it, until spirit itself decides to enter the body vehicle and be as your guide every single day.

I got an instruction to do some Chakra clearing, because it seemed that energy was many times stuck in certain areas and could not be released freely. Especially tactile around the heart, if the heart does not release negative energy or cannot because of blocks etc. it feels like a suffocating feeling inside the chest. Energy just pools there without being released…

While I was doing the Chakra Clearing:
I had one fleeting moment while jumping from the throat to the heart chakra when a sudden thought came to me. The thought was so out of context that I right there acknowledged it as being from spirit itself. My inner guide! I suddenly thought about the thing that I wrote to you Dayna a long time ago. About your guide and the Kundalini. I told you that you should listen to your Kundalini and not to outside guides. You answered me with a very simple sentence, “My Kundalini is part of my guidance”, you further saidit’s really not outside of myself.” I have to acknowledge this now and tell you, you were absolutely right with this! The Kundalini is your spirit guide, your higher self.  You did all the work and have such a good connection to spirit. Your soul is pretty advanced! I am still doing the work and try to learn as much as possible. At least NOW i have an idea how to meditate to get in contact with this spirit.

More pain and more lessons…

2013 my father was ripped apart in a literal sense… He drunk his whole life a lot of alcohol and he smoked like crazy. It was just a matter of time when his health would go rapidly down at some point. It all started when he one day worked on an electrical output that was hidden behind the wall… He worked at the wall and suddenly got en electrical shock, that nearly threw him off the ladder… It was after that fact that he suddenly started hearing voices and seeing things that we did not see at that time. My mother told me that time that the voices said to my father that she is apparently hiding microphones in the house and that she has an affair. Funnily enough she was already writing of Facebook with her NOW husband… So not very far fetched actually. my mother got scared of my father and called the police to bring him to the psychiatric clinic… Where he got treated with medications and strong anti hallucinogens…

after that incident, they got divorced and the doctor said that my father is dangerous, so he needed to move in into a new apartment away from my mom and me. I was the whole time living in the USA when all this happened in Germany. But one day I got the call that my father was found dead lying in his bathroom. Nobody not even my mother cared to do an autopsy to see what killed him in the end… She did not even go to the funeral… Of course all connections to fathers family side broke apart and they said my mother is the reason for his fall… 😦

Then after while my mother had weird symptoms. One morning she got up and could not walk anymore, her knees and legs were very weak. in fact her body started cramping and her arms and hands made weird movements like cramping spasms. The same thing happened with her throat, she could not speak anymore and needed to eat puree. All the symptoms that I remember having read by another woman with heavy Kundalini Awakening. She experienced exactly the same symptoms. racing heart, noose feeling around neck, thyroid problems and then the weird disease where she could not walk anymore and her throat was constricted… exactly the same symptoms! it was months later that this person found out she had a Kundalini Awakening.

my mother got her spine checked and the doctors found that she has lots of inflammations around the spinal cord. up to the head area! that’s why her nerves went berserk… it was like her body created anti bodies that attacked her own spinal cord.

my mother now needed to go to the hospital because symptoms got worse again. She had since that incident tingling and prickling left hand, like it was all day under heavy electricity. Her feet plantar were hurting and HOT. But now also the right hand started hurting and she said many times I feel like I could cut my hands off it’s so painful…

The diagnosis today was MS… hearing that while I was sure it was Kundalini broke my world view. It either is and the doctors make a mistake, or MS really has many symptoms that are LIKE Kundalini Awakening of the strong kind. I will see what happens from now on, but the diagnosis is for anybody like the end of the world… 😦 and of course it hits me even worse, as I was so sure… plus my mother is only 49 years old… and I can understand that her view on god worsened because of this experience…

for what is it good that I may lose another parent so early in my life? is it a lesson?

in the same moment I received was very clear message from a guide today. I believe it was a guide. I sat here and heard the remote control cracking. As I looked at it, it suddenly stopped. i looked at my screen again and then my right ear got deaf and a flute tone came through. I decided to go downstairs to my husband to bring him some water, as he played the song he is working on and the line I heard while leaving his space was “Nothing is like you think it is!”  if that was not a message then I really don’t know what is… the question is only WHAT do I think is not as it seems like?

Vision through the eyes of a man lying on surgery table!

Last evening while lying in bed I just did my nightly meditation to tune in to my inner self. There was a precises moment after some deep in-breaths that the frequency on my ears got stronger and much higher pitched. It happened on both ears! in that moment I could feel energy working inside my neck and up to the head. It seems every time a new pathway is created I can hear a change in the frequency that I hear all day long, and then it becomes more clear and louder.

After a while i started seeing the purple energy swirls and sometimes light golden blotches of light that suddenly appeared in my visual field. It’s like sometimes specific parts get brighter for a few seconds and then it becomes dark again.

But then something happened. I suddenly saw a crystal clear picture with a purple haze overtone. i looked through the eyes of a man and I looked down to my body, the upper body was naked and I was apparently lying on a table. I finally realized it was a surgery table sort of. I could not move my head, I only saw my upper body. But as I looked above me there was this bright light of a surgery lamp shining down at me. At that moment the vision suddenly got wiped out with a golden windshield wiper. It literally looked to me as if something didn’t want me to look further into this vision. I have no idea what that was. But if this was a past life incident it could explain why I was from childhood on so afraid of surgery tables and the instruments of dentists and orthodontists.

I remember an incident from my childhood when I was in orthodontist care for my jaw problems and bite corrections. I was literally afraid whenever these people would get an instrument out to work on me. Once I was so nervous and afraid that I actually got a extreme weird looking red rash on my neck on both sides. It was so pronounced that my mother saw it. it appeared out of nowhere.

I am wondering if this was a vision of a past life incident… Maybe the moment of my death? Or an operation I had to go through? Sadly I could not see more it just got wiped out of my vision when I looked into the surgery lamp light.

Current Kundalini Sensations – 08/05/2015

Kundalini is running non stop, some days stronger than others, but so far I felt her everyday in one way or another. So I want to provide the newest list of current Kundalini Sensations:

  1. A constant on and off buzzing in the left plantar. It doesn’t matter if I sit, stand, I can always feel like a little engine starting, idling for a second and then turn off again. The same buzzing on and off I can also feel in my back and sometimes very rarely in my root chakra.
  2. Split view visual phenomena. Which means that when I for example look at a screen and see a website, and then close my eyes for a few seconds, the website starts glowing up in my vision with closed eyes. The text is never clearly visible. It rather looks like white glowing lines, but everything else on the website glows in a subtle pink/purple light. I am wondering if this is a very short time of looking through the third eye!
  3. More and more sensations around my body hair. Yesterday I was holding a paper for my husband and I suddenly felt a strange fizzling on my left arm. When I looked on my arm I saw that the hair on that spot stood up on roots, while the rest of the surrounding hair was flat. The same I saw already on different parts of my body. Even the hair on my fingers sometimes stands up. This alone shows me that Kundalini uses the body hair to communicate and travel, ergo hair is important for spiritual evolution!
  4. Sometimes I get these pulsing, burning sensations that feel like a pulse beam is constantly fired on a spot. Last night I felt this pulse pain of electrical nature in my right hip, it pulsed a few times and this is one of the very rare sensations that actually does hurt a little bit. However it was only short lived.
  5. I also got over my fear when Kundalini energy is working in my heart center. It feels like the heart is being massaged from the inside, it jumps a few time with a combination of a shaking and buzzing,. Usually my heart jumps because of fear. But I was able to withstand and felt the massaging sensation for a few seconds, until it went away from alone. I see this as fear test success.
  6. Sometimes lower spine area and rectum area are start to itch a lot… I think this is because of the burning sensation of the Kundalini fire, it always goes away from alone. Or it just jumps to another place on the body.

Terrible day… anger and release…

Today was literally the worst day since a long time… It started off bad… My husband woke up and had his depression phase once again and of course made me responsible for things that he usually would not comment on. We had friends over for dinner and he used tons of dishes to prepare everything. At the end of the evening I needed to clean everything alone and just said out loud “I wish our maid would come tomorrow to clean this…” Of course I did clean it then even though it was late, and even though my husband went to bed after the guests were gone…

This morning he woke up and was depressive already while awakening… telling me how lazy I am and what I think who I am, if I ever had a maid in Germany etc. Then he mocked a system I found to make some money on the side. It’s proven to work and is called Neobux.

It’s a PTC site and called The King of Point per Click. Members showed tons of payment proofs and statements from PayPal. plus I have a woman who teaches me how to use it, so I won’t make mistakes that many beginners do with the system. My husband was not respecting my opinion but told me right away it was a scam and pyramid scheme. Which it is not… It’s payments are done by companies who pay for advertisements that need to be clicked once per day. The ads are bought by someone and pay for the people who click! That’s really all there is.

We had a big fight about it and for some reason he made me very aggressive and angry… Pushing all my buttons and using the old patterns of belittling of what I try to archive…

after some cool off phase we got back together and were happy as our fight didn’t take long. Then we sat down to eat breakfast and my husband was trying to tell me that he wants to create something with a real idea I might come up with, something to make tons of money with and get thousands and thousands of dollars with… For some reason I suddenly snapped again and I said something which I have no idea why I actually said it. I don’t have any thoughts, no mind chattering and sometimes it’s like something speaks through me.

I told my husband, that whole reason for me to do Neobux is to one day earn the money we need, without the need to do hard work for it and enjoy our lives. I somehow said that money is not important and that spirit does not need money. But the ego does… and so I somehow pushed his buttons and we got into an heavier fight as before… This time about me preaching him about spirit and importance of money. He said to me:

“If you can be spiritual without money the only way to proof it to me is if you go right now for a month out there, without anything and be spiritual… I want to see what you will do to survive…”

I could not answer my husband and I suddenly needed to block out again as I pulled myself in a situation that was not necessary and yet it was, because it was catalyst for a huge crying release… I went outside and into the studio and just left him upstairs…

And there it was, I sat there and tried to focus on continuing scanning photos of his past. I felt strong Kundalini currents in my back and my head was tingly and I suddenly just needed to cry… in this moment of tear release I begged to god “Why am I here, why do I always need to go through so much pain? what is this all about and can I not just leave this body behind???” Nothing happened, except after a few minutes I stopped crying…

I am sitting here writing this still feeling a little drowsy… It sometimes seems to me that my husband is a flesh lesson of Kundalini for me, but I am also used to be a lesson for him. Otherwise I cannot explain why out of nowhere I would say exactly the things that push all his buttons… It makes no sense… 😦