Sudden hit of emotional outburst

Yesterday was a low point for me. Not only was the energy very low since my period cycle ended. I did not expect it to be this way. As it always came back strong so far. Apparently not this time. Also since the last intense dream I do not remember dreaming anymore. It’s already the second night in a row where I do not remember any dreams at all. All I remember is that once I am out, I am gone till the next morning. And then I do not remember anything…

However yesterday I had a turning point. As I cooked dinner I was suddenly overcome by deep sadness and regret… I had a tiny fight with my husband the day before. I forgot to buy flowers or wine for the evening as we were invited to Hanukkah at a friends home… So my husband was upset that he needed to stop by the flower shop to get flowers. He told me straight in the face “As much as the other women before you were bad for me, I have to say I miss the times when I was supported and a woman made me feel like I am the king. Nowadays I feel just like a schlepper… You really are a coconut milk princess” The tone in his voice and the despair on how he lost his fame and celebrity status for quite some time and the feeling of him not being treated like a “King” makes him say such things… Honestly he always talks about hats and what the woman’s hat should be. But I really do everything here… I carry heavy things, because he cannot with his back, I repair stuff, I buy stuff since he doesn’t want to deal with it, I do everything for him and yet he complains that he is missing things, that I just cannot give him right now.

So it suddenly hit me very strongly and I sobbed while preparing the dinner, I suddenly had a conversation in my head with myself and I asked the question “What would I do, if I would leave this situation?” But again I came across a lot of problems that are involved with such a decision. Up till date I am not working, I do not have my own car, which is crucial in L.A. to have… I don’t even have enough money to rent an apartment. So I just tried to get rid of these feelings. As he came upstairs and looked at me he must have seen that something was up and asked me if everything is okay. I said yes, knowing if I would say anything I would provoke another fight and this is something that I cannot handle very well anymore…

As the night came close and I went to bed, lying on my back I suddenly felt a weird pain and aching inside my body. It was buzzing and hurting at the same time. Most of the pain was connected to the Sacral Chakra and also Solar Plexus Chakra. I actually thought what the heck is going on, why do my chakras suddenly hurt so much? After some time I turned around on the side and the pain subsided and when I fell asleep I was just out until the morning.

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One thought on “Sudden hit of emotional outburst

  1. Dayna says:

    Lots of purging going on right now. ((((Hugs))))

    Liked by 1 person

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