last evening my husband wanted to sleep alone again, that was the 2nd day in a row… usually I agreed to sleep one day by myself so he would have his space in his King Sized bed… But last evening he came to me and asked me to sleep by myself. As I asked him “why?” his answer was “Ehh I don’t know, just feel tired and kind of moody.” So I agreed to sleep alone, because honestly I cannot stand this moody phase of his, because he always finds reasons to make me responsible for everything that he is missing currently in life…
As I went to bed I listened to another Binaural Track for Astral projection. It was one hour long and this time I could listen to it completely, I did not forget to charge the cellphone battery! I felt at peace and I let myself drift away with the frequency and the slight buzzing that this track created inside my ears. I felt energy sensations and very strong I felt the Kundalini current surging inside my upper back like crazy. It feels like an electric wire short circuited and the electricity is spilling over, like a sudden pressure and tension and then a release and sparkles all over the back. It was right at backside of the Heart chakra instead of the front. I was lying a long time and waited for the commonly known vibrations or other feelings like heavy blanket or other feelings that could mean that I am close to OBE. But nothing happened. Except that I felt some vibrations inside my Third Eye. Also there is always a point when I suddenly feel itching around my nose and it is always the same spot. I am not touching it and wait until it is gone, however it’s really, really annoying to say the least. Another thing that always happens is that my mouth opens by itself when I am relaxed and then my throat gets dry and I need to swallow to wet the throat as it becomes uncomfortable. Sometimes I think I am just too stupid to reach an OBE in this life 😦
After the track finished and nothing more happened I decided to go to sleep and that again happened pretty fast.
DREAM: Intimacy, Betrayal, Threat
And then I had the weirdest dream ever. I never ever had ehm excuse me… a sexual oriented dream before. But this time it really was extremely vivid. I know we were in some place which I do not remember very well, but we met this younger guy who was tall, had short blonde hair and blue eyes. We talked a little while and very fast this became more intimate. While my husband was out of sight this guy invited me someplace and we continued talking about many things. Which I sadly do not remember today… But then at some point he became intimate and seduced me to the point of having sex with him. I mean what the heck? it was a man that I did not even know, no idea who he was or where he came from. I will spare you of all the details, but I saw some pretty naughty stuff happening up close…
Then the dream shifted and we were all sitting in a cinema watching a movie. Which movie? No idea, I just remember we were all sitting in a row. My husband was sitting a few seats to the left. I was sitting on the right outer seat and the blonde guy was sitting left by my side. He leaned over my lap and had his head on my lap. While I was trying to be unseen by my husband. Who just suddenly looked forward and gazed in my direction. I tried to keep that blonde guy low so he won’t see him lying there. and I felt miserable for this betrayal. I pushed the guy by side and told him that we cannot continue like that.
But then he started threatening me that he would tell my husband all about it if I won’t continue with him.
I think at that point I don’t really recall what else happened, but it honestly was a weird dream. This morning I was hit with a weird feeling. a couple of days ago my husband and I were taking a walk around our neighborhood and out of the blue my husband said “It’s so weird with all your knowledge about computer etc. That you cannot make some money with all that…” It was weird, because I had nothing to say to him after that. It was like my mind was blank, no thought and no idea what to answer. Usually people have thoughts that they want to share. But not with me. I just stayed silent after that and had nothing more to say. My husband then made a remark after 5 minutes of silence “Well it has been 5 minutes after what I just said…” And I just returned that I had nothing to say about that. And he mocked me and said “Well if you have nothing to say then the conversations will be short. Look there is a tree , Oh yes beautiful… Look a house, wow amazing… That’s how it is.”
then it dawned on me that it is actually true. My husband is one of those people that I actually cannot share anything with in an honest way as I do when people really get me and understand me, If I have anything to say his communication is short and kind of uninterested, but from me on the other hand is expected that I am aware about every single little thing around his universe.
I sometimes feel that he does not respect me a lot. Every day life with him proves more and more that he cannot really communicate to me as I don’t know how to communicate to him either. He tried to give me books about past musicians and art just for me to have something to talk about with him… He does not like small talk, me neither. But for him only deep musical talk is meaningful and everything else is just nonsense. Fine but I live for much more than only music and I am interested in so much more, which seems oblivious to him. And so he tries to teach me about the stuff that he knows so much about and I just cannot get into it. I cannot take an art book, read and just tell stories to my husband only so he has some “meaningful” conversation…