Is it my fault?

Sometimes there are moments when I think everything that happens to me is my own fault. Every physical attack from the past in my childhood, every failed relationship, every fight with people I love… Sometimes I just do not know what or who is causing these banalities such as arguments and attacks…

Today my husband took me out to a restaurant that we went to from the very beginning when it was created and new. now after a few months into the business the clientele changed and all the valley people come and the food changed tremendously since then. However as soon as we sat down 3 foreign guys came and sat beside our table, they were extremely loud and laughing about banal things. I had no problem with it whatsoever. But my husband made his mad face, whenever he does it he bites his lower lip like a maniac and his whole appearance changes to a dark person. He suddenly said “Oh stupid people… I really don’t belong here… My environment is so wrong for me. There is no happiness in this place…” I suddenly had the urge to tell him what I believed was needed for him to hear, I said:

People believe it is outside sources that causes them happiness, but it is not, it comes from the inside and your true self!

This sentence alone made him angry again and this time he used emotional triggers to attack me, he told me how insane I sound and he pulled out many things that in the past made me upset and triggered me to get upset and angry at him. I stayed calm even while he told me that I do not care and that having my French Toast at this place is more important then his suffering… He played with his triggers to pull me with him in this demise. The he used the trigger “Who do you think you are? How dare you talk to me like that. You wanted to get our of your hometown in Germany and you talk to me about happiness comes from the inside and not from a place?” I told him to that:

I was not awake when I was in Germany, I woke up when I came here.” He said then “Oh does that mean I am asleep? you can thank me then, because I am the one who brought you here.” But I countered and told him that it was my calling to come to America since I was a child. Well… end of the story was him being mad and thinking I am insane talking to him about these “spiritual” things…

I really don’t know how to handle that situation. My spirit tries to help with wise words about his concerns and all he does is slamming me for it. But if I stay quiet and do not say anything he gets upset because I do not say anything. So what to do?

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