Okay… The days go by and I thought I had it all figured out. I decided without my husbands interference to give my pet bird away to a wonderful person who has kids, is an animal rescuer etc. Everything was working well and I thought I was feeling good by the thought that my bird would come to a family who cares with heart about animals plus he would be around 2 other birds. I was preparing everything and then I asked my husband this morning if we are at home at 1 PM, and he said yes but asked me at the same time “why?” I told him that at 1 PM the woman would come to us to pick up Gustav. And his response was “What?!”
And then one word went after the other and he made me feel guilty, made me feel insecure in my decision. He said “Are you really sure you want to do that? Don’t just do it because I cannot stand his noise. I know you will be sad after that a regret this decision. Don’t do it!” This discussion brought on a whole bunch of emotions and again I was wiggling in my own decision which I though was so thorough this time… Well it was not… he further said, “you don’t have anything else and when I go on business meetings you will be alone. I don’t want you to feel miserable all your life…” and so it happened that 1 PM approached closer and closer and as if she picked up on my insecurities, she wrote me a message and asked m:
“Are you still okay with giving him away? I know I won’t as I can totally understand if you don’t or are not ready yet.” And so it happened that my bird is now still with me. On top of that we ran into expenses over expenses because of the house. There was mold in my room in the closet of my husband and it seems the water behind my sink and toilet was leaking… My husband is on the ground and actually just told me “Well I am literally at the end of the rope, I am close to collapse, nothing works, the house breaks a part, expenses over expenses with no money coming in at all… I don’t have anything anymore, I can barely speak, my neck and back hurt, my head is a mess… i have nothing left” Out of nowhere an anger overcame me and I had tears in my eyes, and I told him right straight into the face
“You have nothing left? If I am gone, you have nothing left! Saying that sounds to me like I am not important at all to you… I was ready to give that fucking bird away, so we would have a better life and a quieter life as well and I just messed up another wonderful person who would have given my bird a good home, just because of this nonsense!”
After that my husband became quiet, he had an appointment at his chiropractor again for his neck stiffness or whatever it is… And he looked at me outside and said “Well part of what you just said may be true, but I am drowning, I can barely speak anymore. When I talk to people it’s like I have no words at all, and that never happened to me.” (He thinks it is because he is living with me, I don’t have the huge vocabulary that he has and so he thinks he loses his, because of me…)
However last night I had a very strong energetic experience! I was lying in bed and had my eyes closed, as usual I was lying on my back, and suddenly started feeling strong energetic sensations inside my body, it was like waves of energy were going from the heart chakra down to the solar plexus chakra and with a very strong push it felt like a fist was literally pushing inside my stomach, it was like energy was being pooled inside the solar plexus. The same moment I heard a very strong humming noise and thought it came from outside, while in fact I picked it up somehow. Then the visuals in front of me changed, it was like I could suddenly see a very subtle glow with the outlines of the bed room, as if my eyes were opened just not the physical ones. I saw mirages of purple, pink and violet lights, as well as colored sparkles that went as patterns through my visual field. I actually was certain that I saw little forms inside these patterns, like little round objects, and other objects, that just formed out of thin air! It was a spectacular light show.
When I talked to my husband this morning and before I told him what I said with him having nothing left, I felt the strong energetic push in my navel again. It feels like an energetic fist is slowly pushing inside that area. Just for a few seconds and then it is gone again.