Well what can I say, I needed to vent a little bit yesterday and the crying helps at least to lessen the pain that is being felt throughout hard times. Today is the day and I am about to pack everything up for my pet bird to go to his new family, but of course I needed to cry again while washing his ladder… Then my husband came and told me he would go downstairs to work and looks at me asking “What is going on?” I told him that today is the last day to see G. My husband’s eyes changed from kind of mad to suddenly looking sad as well. He asked “why?” And I told him I would give him to a nice family. Then he said “But you are sad, do not make this choice when it makes you sad, but do it when you don’t care!” Then I looked at him and told him “But he is a nuisance for you anyway, so what difference does it make?” He said “Well think about it, I will go downstairs, I will also think about it.”
I know I already decided on it, although it makes me sad. Sadness does not stay forever, even if it feels like losing a non existent child… I know if I would keep G. it would really be for myself, to make me feel good. If I give him away, it’s for the bird. Because he will go to a family with a child, they have 2 budgies and 2 doves. white doves! He would have it good there. However I really won’t see him ever again, they are moving to Atlanta very soon…
DREAM LAST NIGHT:
I remember pieces of the dream, it’s too washed out already. I know that I got a job someplace in a new store. Many people where there, almost all young people. Throughout the time I spend there I learned everything about the labels that were glued on some kind of racks, how to invent new things and get promoted etc. But something was weird about this place. The more I stood there listening to everyone, the more I realized they were all from a cult… Sooner or later I understood that I was working in a company full of cult members.
Then the boss appeared he was a kind of small guy, not taller than myself, he had blonde hair, blue eyes and wore glasses. He was a person I would really not like to be around. in another scene I saw a tall darker skin colored guy, he was screaming at one of the workers and threatened to hit him in the face. Which he did in the end, the worker hit the floor. I got angry at this tall guy, which was another of the leaders. I ran towards him and screamed at him to stop this nonsense. But then he hit me and I fell to the floor. I look at my foot and I had a big bleeding wound at the heel.
I was sitting beside the other worker who was slapped in the face. He looked at me and saw my bleeding wound, I was told I could not work like that and can take some time off. The worker suddenly took a glass piece from the floor and tried to cut his heel open to get out of work as well. The blonde guy with glasses saw that and took the glass piece from his hand.
Then I remember a scene were the whole group opened a huge door in the floor, which lead to a basement. I think that is the part of the dream, when I woke up. What a weird dream…