The title says it all… I am hit with a complete destruction from all sides… Not only from my husband, my family but no also the things that I love are being attacked… Or whatever that may mean… Today is the worst day since a very long time. The last time I felt like this was when I was a child… complete denial and complete failure on my part creeping in and destroying me…
It’s the second day in a row of deep sadness and crying outbursts… I decided to give my pet bird away. I found a couple with a cute little girl. They have two budgies and 2 doves as pets and they would love to take my budgie. The only thing is I would never see him again in person. They are preparing to move back to Atlanta, so as soon my budgie is gone I won’t see him anymore. I look at him in sadness and he comes out to the cage door, looks at me and lowers his head so I can place my forehead on the back of his head. I think he feels what is going on and I see that he tries to make me feel better.
I know as soon he is gone it will be quiet here… My husband will continue to work all day and i will continue to sit here and do promotion for him… no more cute little voice telling me “I want to be a platypus”
There are so many things all coming in waves all at once, I cannot handle this deep grief that is hitting me 😦 I am literally on the floor.
this blog post will be my last one for a long time, I may never write again… I don’t know yet, it depends of what life has planned for me a long the way. So far it’s nothing good about it… It’s just one big streak of dilemma after dilemma… i cannot even go back to Germany anymore because I found out about the traitor behavior of my mother’s husband… He does not talk good about me and behind my back he always says weird things even when friends are sitting with them…
I want to see the happiness that I envisioned for myself since childhood, I want to see all my positive energies that I had manifested. But so far nothing but bad things came out of it and I feel powerless up to the point of total failure… even my relationships seem to repeat over and over with men who know better than me and argue with me when I try to say or advice something. It’s like I am a stupid little girl who does not know better and needs a man who knows everything… just this time I married him, instead of breaking away as I always did as soon I smelled this problem arising.
You can tell this is not my day, it has not been in a long time…
Kundalini Awakening Process 
(((hugs)))) It’s because of the darkness that we can see the Light.
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Thank you Dayna ! However I made a mistake and don’t really know why… At the Hollywood Bowl my husband was complaining again about his weird aches etc. and that this is not him, that something happened to him, which is not him anymore. Out of nowhere I started talking to him about the new energies (not realizing it’s my husband we are talking about) and that set off chain reactions again, I think he must think I am crazy or so… He said “energies? And I am supposed to just sit here without doing anything? I am effect by some invisible force? Sorry but this is total nonsense and not my reality…” well day finished and a lot of damage done… 😦
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Energies = Theta. One would think he wouldn’t be so dense.
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Dayna, when I told him once that everything IS energy, even we are energy, he said: “No… a Thetan cannot be energy, that would mean we are composed out of matter, which energy is a part of… We are the creators of energy, but we are NOT energy…” I think he misunderstood many things and keeps carrying them around.
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