More pain and more lessons…

2013 my father was ripped apart in a literal sense… He drunk his whole life a lot of alcohol and he smoked like crazy. It was just a matter of time when his health would go rapidly down at some point. It all started when he one day worked on an electrical output that was hidden behind the wall… He worked at the wall and suddenly got en electrical shock, that nearly threw him off the ladder… It was after that fact that he suddenly started hearing voices and seeing things that we did not see at that time. My mother told me that time that the voices said to my father that she is apparently hiding microphones in the house and that she has an affair. Funnily enough she was already writing of Facebook with her NOW husband… So not very far fetched actually. my mother got scared of my father and called the police to bring him to the psychiatric clinic… Where he got treated with medications and strong anti hallucinogens…

after that incident, they got divorced and the doctor said that my father is dangerous, so he needed to move in into a new apartment away from my mom and me. I was the whole time living in the USA when all this happened in Germany. But one day I got the call that my father was found dead lying in his bathroom. Nobody not even my mother cared to do an autopsy to see what killed him in the end… She did not even go to the funeral… Of course all connections to fathers family side broke apart and they said my mother is the reason for his fall… 😦

Then after while my mother had weird symptoms. One morning she got up and could not walk anymore, her knees and legs were very weak. in fact her body started cramping and her arms and hands made weird movements like cramping spasms. The same thing happened with her throat, she could not speak anymore and needed to eat puree. All the symptoms that I remember having read by another woman with heavy Kundalini Awakening. She experienced exactly the same symptoms. racing heart, noose feeling around neck, thyroid problems and then the weird disease where she could not walk anymore and her throat was constricted… exactly the same symptoms! it was months later that this person found out she had a Kundalini Awakening.

my mother got her spine checked and the doctors found that she has lots of inflammations around the spinal cord. up to the head area! that’s why her nerves went berserk… it was like her body created anti bodies that attacked her own spinal cord.

my mother now needed to go to the hospital because symptoms got worse again. She had since that incident tingling and prickling left hand, like it was all day under heavy electricity. Her feet plantar were hurting and HOT. But now also the right hand started hurting and she said many times I feel like I could cut my hands off it’s so painful…

The diagnosis today was MS… hearing that while I was sure it was Kundalini broke my world view. It either is and the doctors make a mistake, or MS really has many symptoms that are LIKE Kundalini Awakening of the strong kind. I will see what happens from now on, but the diagnosis is for anybody like the end of the world… 😦 and of course it hits me even worse, as I was so sure… plus my mother is only 49 years old… and I can understand that her view on god worsened because of this experience…

for what is it good that I may lose another parent so early in my life? is it a lesson?

in the same moment I received was very clear message from a guide today. I believe it was a guide. I sat here and heard the remote control cracking. As I looked at it, it suddenly stopped. i looked at my screen again and then my right ear got deaf and a flute tone came through. I decided to go downstairs to my husband to bring him some water, as he played the song he is working on and the line I heard while leaving his space was “Nothing is like you think it is!”  if that was not a message then I really don’t know what is… the question is only WHAT do I think is not as it seems like?

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