That is it… I am coming to a point were I would love to just tell my husband to “shut up”… Day in and day out he has nothing to say except these negative things about situation, about body aches, about nobody calling him, about nobody emailing him etc. I reached a point of exaggeration of negative impulses around me… I know it must be a lesson for me to stay calm and just let the other person be as they choose. But I see it so obviously in front of me the WHY is it happening? Or WHY does nobody write or call, except these stupid spam and robocalls? I mean I can understand my husband, but it does not affect me the same way it does affect him.
I just cannot hear these negative thoughts anymore. It’s like somebody is replaying a tape all over the whole day. I need to hear the sentence “Why do I have so many pains, I never had such weird pains in my entire life.” Or “What the hell is going on with me? it must be something seriously wrong in my universe” or “What is this pain in my stomach? What is this pressure in my head, why do I feel so heavy?” I mean come on… why put all your attention on these things? why not just live your life and put these aches etc. aside. That’s what I am doing each and every single day. But no he doesn’t want to hear my explanations for it and he does not accept anything to help him which does not come from his believe system.
Sometimes I wish I could just tell him to SHUT up with your damn negativity all day long. He wants to get something for his career, he wants to have thousands of friends who all call him each day. If nobody calls him for just 2 days in a row, he jumps into a deep depression, which does not allow him to talk to anybody not even me… And in these moments I truly feel alone and wish I had a very good friend here in L.A. who I could share my time with. instead of sitting around a man who spills nothing but negative vibrations while in depression…
I am so sorry, this blog post is just me needing to get rid of ballast… It will probably pass again and everything will be happy, rainbows and butterflies. But at the moment I just hope that my husband’s neck and lower back will be okay at some point, because it creates such a problem here… I wish I could feel the pain that he is feeling in his neck to see if it really is that bad. I know from experience that he exaggerates a lot of body aches. He once felt a pressure in his right side, like I always do when I feel Kundalini energy in tense form. But he thought something is wrong with him and he called it flank pain with weird pulling pressure. Well… how obvious does it need to be in order to see that something else is going on? Because of this “weird pressure feeling” he went to the doctor for a cat scan and nothing was wrong… Of course.
However I chose to not say anything anymore. If he thinks resistance is the way to go, please go ahead. I will always choose surrender, and I know I will be okay, and so far I wasn’t wrong about that.