Why? Friends are dropping left and right…

It is actually terrifying and I can understand why my husband goes into his deep depressions, when he sees no change. The thing is there is change and lot of that… Just not in the direction he would like it to have. Our close circle of very good friends gets smaller and smaller. Last year 2 of his best friends died. Which was a big shock, because one of them I met shortly when he came over to visit us.

The other one died while I was back in Germany taking care of all the things, because my father passed away at that time…

But currently there is a huge stop on everything. Money doesn’t come in, nobody calls, no e-mails. It is the most difficult time for me to be around my husband, because he gets very depressed and does not want to talk to anybody, not even me… My husband is very extrovert, while I am the more introvert type of person. Since my Kundalini Awakening even more so… I am just content with being alone and having silent time to go inside…

Our neighbors invited us for a dinner last evening and dropped the bomb that they will move back to Colorado in April next year. It was a huge shock. First of all I fell in love with their two cats which I took care of while they went to vacations. Second they are super friends and totally nice people. Exactly what I needed in my life and right next door. I was super sad yesterday and needed to suppress the tears that were trying to get up into my eyes, which hurt my head to suppress them (felt like my eyes wanted to explode)… Eventually they made some fun and I could finally let go of the sadness. My husband afterwards was depressed once again, because he wants to move away from L.A. He hates it here, but everything is stopping him from doing so. And he gets very depressed when he hears how easily others do move away.

Another friend, who my husband worked with, an artist and painter told us a few days ago that he will go to Europe for some classes etc. and he hinted to us that if he gets good offers there, he will eventually not come back.

And the third one was just re-discovered. My husband didn’t have a lot of communication with him, but suddenly he came back and we rekindled their friendship. But then 2 days ago my husband got an e-mail and he was shocked. His friend needed to go to the hospital for a surgery. He has liver cancer 😦

It is all so depressing and sad currently. On top of that my mother needs to go back to the hospital because of the anti bodies that attack her spinal cord. 😦

I don’t know what’s going on currently. But if that continues like this, we will have no friends left and I really don’t see how I am able to survive here, as I cannot stand my husbands depression all the time… I know I am supposed to help him through it. But THAT which could help him for real, (Moving away from here and someplace else) does not come up for me. I don’t feel urged to move. I had my Kundalini Awakening here and I feel threatened whenever my husband talks about how he hates this place and wants to get our of here. I feel saddened because I don’t see it that way. I feel terrified by the thought of moving away. It sounds silly, but that is what is currently going on.

My husband says there is no change… However there IS change… just not the change he expects…


One thought on “Why? Friends are dropping left and right…

  1. Dayna says:

    I don’t know if you have ever heard of the dark night of the soul, but that is what comes to mind when I read this post. Look it up if you haven’t heard of it.

    Liked by 1 person

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