Terrible day… anger and release…

Today was literally the worst day since a long time… It started off bad… My husband woke up and had his depression phase once again and of course made me responsible for things that he usually would not comment on. We had friends over for dinner and he used tons of dishes to prepare everything. At the end of the evening I needed to clean everything alone and just said out loud “I wish our maid would come tomorrow to clean this…” Of course I did clean it then even though it was late, and even though my husband went to bed after the guests were gone…

This morning he woke up and was depressive already while awakening… telling me how lazy I am and what I think who I am, if I ever had a maid in Germany etc. Then he mocked a system I found to make some money on the side. It’s proven to work and is called Neobux.

It’s a PTC site and called The King of Point per Click. Members showed tons of payment proofs and statements from PayPal. plus I have a woman who teaches me how to use it, so I won’t make mistakes that many beginners do with the system. My husband was not respecting my opinion but told me right away it was a scam and pyramid scheme. Which it is not… It’s payments are done by companies who pay for advertisements that need to be clicked once per day. The ads are bought by someone and pay for the people who click! That’s really all there is.

We had a big fight about it and for some reason he made me very aggressive and angry… Pushing all my buttons and using the old patterns of belittling of what I try to archive…

after some cool off phase we got back together and were happy as our fight didn’t take long. Then we sat down to eat breakfast and my husband was trying to tell me that he wants to create something with a real idea I might come up with, something to make tons of money with and get thousands and thousands of dollars with… For some reason I suddenly snapped again and I said something which I have no idea why I actually said it. I don’t have any thoughts, no mind chattering and sometimes it’s like something speaks through me.

I told my husband, that whole reason for me to do Neobux is to one day earn the money we need, without the need to do hard work for it and enjoy our lives. I somehow said that money is not important and that spirit does not need money. But the ego does… and so I somehow pushed his buttons and we got into an heavier fight as before… This time about me preaching him about spirit and importance of money. He said to me:

“If you can be spiritual without money the only way to proof it to me is if you go right now for a month out there, without anything and be spiritual… I want to see what you will do to survive…”

I could not answer my husband and I suddenly needed to block out again as I pulled myself in a situation that was not necessary and yet it was, because it was catalyst for a huge crying release… I went outside and into the studio and just left him upstairs…

And there it was, I sat there and tried to focus on continuing scanning photos of his past. I felt strong Kundalini currents in my back and my head was tingly and I suddenly just needed to cry… in this moment of tear release I begged to god “Why am I here, why do I always need to go through so much pain? what is this all about and can I not just leave this body behind???” Nothing happened, except after a few minutes I stopped crying…

I am sitting here writing this still feeling a little drowsy… It sometimes seems to me that my husband is a flesh lesson of Kundalini for me, but I am also used to be a lesson for him. Otherwise I cannot explain why out of nowhere I would say exactly the things that push all his buttons… It makes no sense… 😦


2 thoughts on “Terrible day… anger and release…

  1. daynaspirit says:

    ((((hugs))))) It is so difficult when you have someone who can really push your buttons like that! Try to be the observer when he does this. Just disassociate from the darts he throws and listen to him. Then say something positive or just change the topic altogether. Or just walk away.

    Liked by 1 person

    • talynia says:

      Thank you so much Dayna! I will remember that for next time. This morning it seems to look different again. He hugged me this morning while waking up. So hopefully he learned also a small lesson during this fights yesterday… ((((hugs))))

      Liked by 1 person

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